Bundle of Letters
by MarluCosplayer13
Summary: The Kingdom Hearts crew has taken me hostage so that they can make sure I post their letters to the writers on fanfiction. They have a lot of bones to pick with you authors... And if anybody wants to come rescue me, I'd greatly appreciate it...
1. Xemnas

Bundle of Letters

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><p>I have received these letters from the characters of Kingdom Hearts asking if I could post them for the world to see. I would've agreed anyway, but of course I was threatened to do this. Right now I'm being held hostage by the Organization and others… help me…<p>

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><p>Dear Readers,<p>

As you know, my name is Xemnas, and I am number I in Organization XIII. I requested to have this letter be put on this website so that I may address some issues that I have with you "fanfiction" writers.

First, I do not enjoy being paired with my second-in-command, Saix. Our relationship is purely professional, and I don't appreciate the inappropriate themes that you people have implied about us. Like I said, our relationship is _purely_ professional. And I don't understand why you pair me with others either. Most of those themes imply that I am homosexual, which, I assure you, I am _not_. But that doesn't mean that I like the girls either. I don't have time for relationships right now, as I am trying to find Kingdom Hearts.

Second, I do not "obsess" over Kingdom Hearts. Yes, I do honor Kingdom Hearts and am very curious about it, but that does not mean that I can't eat or sleep because I haven't found it yet. And yes, I said "yet" because I _WILL_ find Kingdom Hearts.

Lastly, I am quite unnerved by the fact that you people call me an old man. I am in my 30's, thank you very much, although that really isn't any of your business. I most certainly am not an old killjoy because 1. I am not old, and 2. I'm not a killjoy. I am just a very serious man who wants to get my heart back.

Thank you for reading, and I do so hope that you people take my suggestions.

Sincerely,

Superior Xemnas

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><p>I didn't know what to do for this one, so I just guessed. How'd I do? <em><strong>REVIEW PLEASE!<strong>_


	2. Xigbar

Sup peeps!

Xiggy here. Look, I just wanted to tell you people some things real quick 'cause the old man wants us to write these stupid letters. One thing you got wrong is that I'm not gay. I'm straight as a frickin' ruler. Although I _AM_ a perv, I will admit. Luxord is my buddy, but I am not at all seduced by his thick, sexy British accent or his awesome body or- ANYWAY! Yeah so I'm not gay for Luxord or anything, but he's an _AWESOME_ drinking buddy! Ah, good times, good times…

Later.

Xigbar, Freeshooter

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><p>IDK, all I could think of was the XigbarLuxord pairing while writing this, so yeah…


	3. Xaldin

I hate you writers.

You people always make me out to be some weird creepo hairy man. Even _LEXAEUS_ gets a better rep than me, and he doesn't even TALK! You people are all, "OH IT'S THE HAIRY JAMAICAN DUDE, LET'S MAKE FUN OF HIM!" Well have you ever stopped to wonder if _maybe_ the hairy Jamaican dude has feelings? And no, I don't care if I can't really have feelings because I don't have a heart. You people are just haters, aren't you? You're secretly jealous because you wish you had epic sideburns and dreads like I do. Well guess what? If I see _ANY_ of you haters around, you and my lances are going to have a nice little chat.

Xaldin the Whirlwind Lancer

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><p>Poor weird creepo hairy man. Review please! XD<p> 


	4. Vexen

A/N: To arthur-theoriginal13thmember, I wanted to thank you for your offers to save me. Sadly, Xemnas said that if you do anything then I'm going to die… I'd like to keep my life please, because even though it may not seem like it, I actually value it. And even though my username is MarluCosplayer13, I'm a girl… Just a little heads up on that. I want to thank everybody for reviewing this and favoriting it. I think that's the only thing keeping me from being murdered…

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><p>To the users of Fanfiction,<p>

I have many things that I need to address with you. As the Chilly Academic, I, Vexen, do _NOT_ have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I do not have urges to do things over and over again, and I do not have any kind of depression or isolation issues. I think that _you_ are the ones with mental problems if you're writing about people who you think have issues.

Another thing that makes me quite annoyed is these pairings with me and Marluxia. I have had no sexual relations with him at all and have no intention to. In reality, Marluxia and I don't even _talk_, so how could it be that we are secretly in love with each other? The man repulses me. Speaking of, why do you people accuse me of being a pedophile? I can't bear to even _think_ like that, so why would you accuse me of such blasphemy?

So as you can see, I am a perfectly normal and rational person, and I expect all of you fanfiction writers to believe this. If not, then I would feel sorry for our poor captive typist- if you know what I mean.

Not So Sincerely,

IV, Vexen, The Chilly Academic


	5. Lexaeus

To the readers of this letter thing,

My name is Lexaeus and I am number V in Organization XIII. I'm just going to get right to the point- people make fun of me because I'm quiet, and I don't think that's right… I just don't have a lot to say. Some people say that I don't speak because my brain works too slowly, but that's not true. If I had a mental disability, I don't think I would've been accepted into the organization.

One other thing that kind of bothers me is that some people pair me with Zexion because we're kind of opposites… Zexion is okay, I guess, but I don't really like him that much. I prefer to keep to myself than to talk to others. That's all I really have to say on this subject, so…

Lexaeus, Silent Hero

P.S. I'm sorry about capturing that writer, but Superior told us to, and since Superior is our superior… Well, you get it.

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><p>AN: Lexaeus is the only really nice one here. Too bad he's so silent and dead-pan all the time…


	6. Zexion

To whomever this letter concerns,

I, Zexion, am quite offended by what you people write about me on your website. What kind of sick mind do you possess? You people write about me as if I am the- well, there is no educated and non-profanity word for what you make me out to be. That's pretty disappointing on your part, isn't it? To finish what I was saying before, why is it that I am paired with almost everybody in the Organization, and even those that _aren't_ in the Organization?

Another thing that I am quite upset about is when you writers call me "emo." I have looked up that word in every single dictionary that I have been able to get my hands on (which, believe me, is a _LOT_) and have never found that word anywhere. Upon further investigation on the subject, I found that if meant a very emotional person who cannot take all of the pressure that their feelings cause them, so thy cut themselves so as to distract themselves from the emotional torment.

Where have you people gotten this assumption from? If you have somehow forgotten, I have no heart. Therefore, I have no emotion. This means that you have a misunderstanding of this concept.

Hopefully this letter was able to clean up your confusion on these subjects, and in the future, maybe you can refrain from continuing to make outrageous accusations about me.

Zexion

Cloaked Schemer


	7. Saix

A/N: Saix scares me really bad… He hit me… If I wasn't outnumbered here, I would've fought back. But since I _WAS_… I shall bide my time for revenge.

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><p>Dear slugs of the fanfiction world,<p>

You disgust me with your interpretations of who you think I am. You will all pay in due time, believe me… I hate how you call me Saix puppy, especially when I am at the Superior's beck and call. _Why do you do whatever Superior says?_ you ask. Well I'll tell you why. Because he's my Superior. He's the leader of Organization XIII for a _REASON_, you know. Why do you think that everybody does what Superior tells them even if they don't like it?

You flies say that I adore Superior and write those yow-we stories. [A/N: Apparently Saix is oblivious to what yaoi is and how to spell it.] Well you're wrong. Superior is simply my colleague and nothing else. Why can't you people wrap your puny minds around that possibility?

Also, why is it that you write things about how the moon affects me? The moon makes me stronger and nothing else. I'm not a freaking werewolf for crying out loud. You snails are pitiful.

Hate,

VII Saix


	8. Axel

Yo!

I, The Flurry of Dancing Flames (a.k.a. Twisted Fire Starter), have some things I want to tell you fanfiction writers. One- _I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH ROXAS. OR ZEXION. OR ANYONE! _I don't date people. Hello! Do I have to repeat that awesome line about how my heart wouldn't be in it because I haven't got one?

Dos! Stop making those stories about me selling myself on the street and doing drugs and stuff! God, I'm not stupid, okay? And stories about me in the mafia? Throw them away. I hate them.

Cuatro! I'm not anorexic. I just have awesome metabolism that makes me really skinny. I don't have eating problems. And what about me being a terrible influence? Do you people love making me look bad or something? I mean, I know you can't help but write about how awesome I am, but can you at least make me a good person for once instead of the creepo that stands in alleys waiting for little girls to walk by?

Axel, nombre de huit

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><p>AN: Greetings from a metal prison! Thanks for reviewing! Although Saix got really mad at me and almost beat me up. That's okay though because Superior made him stop. Vexen keeps staring at me... He's such a creep…


	9. Demyx

_**HIIIIII!**_

I'm Demyx! Superior told us to write letters on stuff we don't like people to say about us! I can't really think of anything… The only thing is that people pair me with Larxene… She scares me… I don't know what I did to her but she keeps trying to kill me.

We have this person that's gonna take all of the letters we wrote and type them so she can put them on a website. She seems really nice and I wanted to talk to her, but Superior said that there'd be enough time to talk after we capture her… I don't really know why we're gonna do that, but I think it's because Superior _REALLY_ wants these letters to be posted.

OH! What if I become famous because that girl put my letter on the internet! That'd be _SO COOL!_ I'd be an internet sensation! Maybe then I can borrow Axel's video camera and record me singing and then post it on YouTube! Now I'm excited! I'm gonna go give my letter to Superior, so _BYEE! _See you on the internet!

Demyx the Melodious Nocturne

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><p>AN: I was going to meet Demyx but Saix drug him out of the room and yelled at him. He looked so close to tears… Poor Demyx :(


	10. Luxord

Hullo…

I'm not really particular on what people say about me… I could care less as long as I have my alcohol and playing cards. Superior doesn't know I have booze, but that's because I try not to get stoned that much…

Is this letter a huge deal or can I just skip on writing this? I don't really care, but Superior said that _EVERYBODY_ had to write one of these. I don't think Superior will care what I write about as long as I wrote _something_.

X

~Luxord


	11. Marluxia

To All Fanfictioners,

My name is Marluxia, and I'm sure most of you recognize me because of my pink hair. Yes, I know that it's fabulous, but I can't help but get annoyed when people make the rudest comments about how having pink hair and controlling flowers means that you're gay. I find that really offensive of someone to say something like that when they don't even know me.

I mean, what's wrong with a guy being in touch with his feminine side? Nothing. That's what. And I don't specifically control flowers; I control _PLANTS_. Yes, there _IS_ a difference between the two, and I feel sorry for those of you who can't see this.

Another thing that bothers me is that because so many people think I'm gay, they put me in all kinds of yaoi pairings. One of the most common that I've heard of is me and Vexen, which I find really weird because I don't even _TALK_ to the guy. He's like a hermit; always sulking around in his laboratory in the basement.

Anyway, these pairings repulse me, especially because _I AM NOT HOMOSEXUAL! _No matter how many times I try to tell people this, they just brush me off and continue to go on about their business like it's no big deal. These are the worst kinds of people because it's like they don't even acknowledge that I said anything.

Hopefully I've been able to convince you readers that I am not gay, but I know that about 90% of you will just laugh and say, "That's a lie!" before going on with the rest of your life. But for those other 10% that I've been able to successfully convince, thank you believing me and taking my word on this.

Sincerely,

Marluxia

Graceful Assassin

XI

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><p>[AN: I feel sorry for Marluxia. If it makes him feel better, I was part of the 10% that was convinced. Were you?]


	12. Larxene

Dear Creeps and Weirdos,

If you're reading this letter, then that means that you actually give a crap about my feelings. Good job to you, freak. Everybody calls me a B with an itch, but hey, if that's your opinion, stick to it.

About all this pairing stuff (I'm talking about yaoi _AND_ yuri), I just want to give whatever loser who paired me with everyone a gun, because they're gonna wish they had committed suicide when they thought of that. I'm coming for you. Why did everybody either make me a bully or a prostitute? I don't sleep with _EVERYBODY_, you know!

I don't even _LIKE_ anybody! They're all nerds and geeks. They're not even half as bad as me, 'cause I'm the best you've ever seen. Actually, I'm the best _ANYONE'S_ ever _gonna_ see.

So next time you think you're all cute when you make those pairing stories about me, or the next time you think you can take me, try it. I dare you. You're going down.

Larxene


	13. Roxas

[A/N: Thank you, satheroth335, for offering to teleport me out of here, but the Organization will just find me again and bring me back here. It'll only make it worse for me if I leave and get captured again. Plus, I only have a couple more letters left. There's Roxas, Xion, Sora, Riku, Repliku, Kairi, and Namine. I'll live until then… hopefully.]

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><p>Dear Normal People,<p>

I'm Roxas. I'm the last person in Organization XIII. I bet you wonder why I said, "_Dear Normal People_" at the beginning of the letter, and I'll tell you why. Because I'm not normal. I'm part of Sora, so I'm not really my own person. But anyways, here's a list of my complaints.

1. Stop the freaking yaoi. I'm not in love with Axel, or- _**GOD FORBID**_- Sora. I'm not smitten by Namine or any girl either, despite popular belief. Whatever those people told you was a _LIE_.

2. I'm not emo. I don't care if you think the hair looks like it or not, or if the clothes just mimic that style, but I'm letting you know right now- I have not, am not, and never will cut myself. Happy now?

Now that I've gotten those two things out of the way, I think I'll be good. As long as you remember them and don't accuse me of them, we'll be fine.

Last but not least,

Roxas

XIII


	14. Xion

Dear Readers,

My name is Xion, and I am the unofficial fourteenth member of Organization XIII. Like Roxas, I am a part of Sora. Xemnas told me to write this letter, so I did. The only complaint I really have about all of this is when authors pair me up with Larxene or a girl or even Sora or Roxas.

For one thing, I'm pretty sure I'm not a lesbian, and two, don't you think it would be kinda vain to love yourself? The other Organization guys don't really bother with me much, so I don't bother with them. But anyway, if you could take my suggestions in mind when you write your stories, I'd greatly appreciate it.

Yours truly,

Xion

P.S. Considering the circumstances, I would just refrain from making me the main character in a romance story because there aren't that many good options for pairings.


	15. Sora

[A/N: Roxas didn't seem very happy with the whole 'Namine love' thing. Sorry aquarose band leader. I'm so close to being finished with these letters… CAN'T WAIT TO GET OUT OF HERE!]

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><p>DEAR PEOPLES OF FANFICTION,<p>

I'm sure you all know who I am, but if you don't, then there's something wrong with you. I am _**SORA, THE KEYBLADE MASTER!**_ But anyway, I got this weird letter from this guy who I killed a long time ago asking to send a letter to a certain address about how I feel about the things people say on these fanfiction sites.

Really, I don't have a problem with all those weird pairings or whatever. All I want is to make sure that you at least _MENTION_ me! I mean, c'mon! I _AM_ the super ultra-awesome hero that always saves the day! Plus, I was like the main character in over half of them! (Yes, Roxas and all of the others _DO_ count as being me.) So yeah, as long as you at least say either my name or somebody is a part of me, then I'm totally fine with having you write your weird little stories.

Peace!

Sora


	16. Riku

To you:

Hey. I'm Riku. I'm not going to beat around the bush here, or tell you the whole story of why I'm writing this letter. I'm just going to trust that you already know and understand what I'm talking about here.

I don't like it when people write about pairings with me and Sora. I mean, yeah, so he's my friend and also my biggest competitor, but still. I don't like the guy like _that._ Kairi might, but that's Kairi. I, on the other hand, don't care. So what if Kairi wants to be with Sora? All the luck to them.

Next- I don't like pairings with the Organization or duplicates of Sora such as Namine or Xion. I am not gay, so I'll just leave it at that.

Lastly, don't pair me with anyone because you want to see the sad Riku be happy again. It doesn't work that way. Actually, I'd be happier if you just left me alone and let me be who I want to be.

Thanks.

Riku

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><p>[AN: Well isn't HE just a ray of sunshine?]


	17. Repliku

Since I don't believe in introductions, I'll just tell you who I am and what I want. I'm Repliku, Riku's replica (obviously). Here's what I want from you writers: to write more stuff about me and to not kill me. Just so you understand it better, I'll go in depth.

Because I am Riku's replica, I don't get that much fame. Why? Because there can only be one Riku to soak up the lime-light, and of course, it's going to be the real one, not the fake. That's why I want you people to write more stories about me. If you've only played the first game, then how are you to know about me? Exactly. You _WON'T KNOW_. Everybody needs attention, even a clone.

Second- don't kill me off. I was already killed once. Do you really think that I want to go through that again? Negatory. I don't. So why don't you get on your little computers and just type a nice little story about me annihilating my enemies like a good little author?

See you never.

Repliku


	18. Kairi

[A/N: My penultimate letter… For those of you who don't know, penultimate means next-to-last… I'll be freed soon! WHOO!]

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><p>Dear random people:<p>

I really like how I got this letter saying how it wanted my opinions on what people write about me. It truly shows that somebody out there _DOES_ care. It makes me all warm and fuzzy on the inside every time I think about it. So for you fans, here's what I think.

I don't really care who I'm paired with, as long as 1. It's a boy, and 2. The guy is hot. I know it sounds kinda rude to say that I want a hot guy, but hey- girls have standards too! And I know that whatever hot guy you choose could be from the enemy side, but hey- he's _HOT! _You can't just _ignore_ that!

Lastly, don't let me get kidnapped. I've been kidnapped so many times, it's not even funny. It _SUCKS_! They always put me somewhere filthy and never give me enough food. Ugh, it's _SO_ disgusting!

But yeah, as long as you follow those guidelines, it'll be the ultimate Kairi Paradise.

Sincerely,

Kairi


	19. Namine

To all of the people who find it important to read this,

My name is Namine. I am Kairi's Nobody, which pretty much means I'm the part of Kairi without a heart. Most people think that because I'm part of her, that we're exactly alike. Not to be rude, but I beg to differ.

Kairi only really cares about being paired with hot guys. I, on the other hand, could really care less. In the stories that you write, I would prefer to be a supporting character, a person who helps pick someone up off of the ground and helps them succeed to defeat evil. That's all I really want.

I asked Santa if he could get me that for Christmas, but he didn't give it to me. I was a bit disappointed, but maybe writing it into this letter will help me achieve my goal. Will you help me?

With hope,

Namine


	20. MarluCosplayer13 is Freed

I finished typing the letter and sat back in my gray holding cell, my fingers cramping from all of the typing I had to do. The Superior looked up from his sitting place on the bench across from the cell and assessed me.

"You're finished?" he asked, standing up. I nodded exhaustedly and stood as well, feeling a little wobbly because my legs had started to fall asleep.

Xemnas opened the cell and let me out, and as we walked down the corridor, we met Vexen. Superior informed Vexen of my success, and when Vexen reached out to pat me on the shoulder, I felt a sharp prick in my skin and everything faded to black…

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><p>I woke up in my bedroom, groggy and light-headed but okay. I thought that all of the letters and strange events that went on along with all of the people I talked to was a dream, but as I logged onto my fanfiction account, I saw a new story with tons of reviews for it.<p>

The description was about me being captured and forced to type all of these letters for the Organization and others so that they could let the community know how they felt about things. I groaned and laid back down on my bed. I could've sworn I was going insane…

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><p>[AN: SO WHAT'D YOU THINK? REVIEW PLEASE!]


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